i never know, man.
god i feel like a fucking broken record lately. what's wrong renée? oh i'm just tired. are you sure, cuz it looks like more than that. um, i'm really tired?
i really hope i didn't fail this last art history exam. one 12pg paper left for that class. and one more manga quiz. i can do this.
teaching, however, is a different story. at least i know now that having night shifts at the writing center the two nights before i teach is a bad idea. yet again, it's thursday, and i have no fucking clue what to do tomorrow. this would be fine except for the part where once i post this, i'mma be busy until about 8:30 tonight. i know that 8:30 seems early, but after a long day that comes toward the end of a long week, i literally have no fucking brain cells left by 8:30 on thursday. so then lesson planning invariably happens on friday morning. which also wouldn't normally be so much of a problem, except that somewhere between may and september, i lost the ability to give a shit, meaning that i no longer have that low-level teaching anxiety that used to naturally get me up at 6 on days i teach. meaning that now it's all i can do to get up in time for coffee and getting dressed, and even that's been a stretch some days. meaning that i painfully fumble my way through my sections and pray to fucking someone that i can find the time to do better next week.
and i haven't even started looking at their 2nd batch of papers.
2 comments:
I feel you on the teaching thing. Too often now I find myself, 30 minutes before class time, going "...ehhh, I'm sure it'll work itself out."
they need to do one of those stages of grief typologies for teaching. 1: scared shitless; 2: power trip/scared shitless; 3: i'm on your side!; 4: you are all idiots; 5: wait, what, i'm teachign this semester?; 6: i love you guys! you're ruining my dissertation but i love you!
yeah, it's me again.
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