i forgot to post yesterday. oops. (oh yeah, i also forgot to mention that i'm attempting to do that whole blogging each day for a month thing. hence the recent increase.)
anyway. i'm feeling a little less detached today. not really feeling like a real person yet, but not totally feeling like a zombie, either.
i need to write him back, but i don't quite know what to say. i'm also not looking forward to the fact that, if he even does decide to respond, it will probably not be for weeks or months, thus leaving me in a state of helpless waiting. at least now the ball's (sort of) in my court. and maybe there's still a part of me that thinks that if i just pretend long enough, eventually i'll forget about the fact that somewhere deep down this hurts really fucking bad. like, if i can avoid feeling anything for long enough, this void inside me will just go away (as opposed to getting bigger, which seems to be the reality).
it doesn't help that i also just don't have the time or energy to feel things right now. this is, like, for realz my busiest semester ever. i'm so exhausted all the time, and the semester's only just barely more than half over. it's weird, because the weeks feel like they fly by me (one minute it's monday and the next minute i'm scrambling to come up with a last-second lesson plan on friday morning on a text i didn't even have time to read), but the semester itself is moving excruciatingly slowly.
2 comments:
this makes me want to start up my blog again. but blogs are tough (as i'm sure you've noted), esp when you are trying to post regularly.
but perhaps you shall inspire me.
blurgle.
doooooo it.
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