i hate when he gets caught in the middle of this

i don't know why i thought it would be a good idea to get my hair cut at this point in the semester. i am always on the verge of a fucking anxiety attack as it is, and here i am self-imposing an experience which i knew ahead of time would make me instantly feel like crying and screaming and ripping my fucking eyes out all at the same time. i just want to find one person in madison who can do what i need with my hair. i can't deal with this feeling right now. and i'm already 2 hours late for a discussion post that i have yet to begin writing, and i have so many millions of things to do today and i don't think i'll be able to make it out for a run before it gets dark which is only going to make this feeling worse and fuck and fuck and fuck.

if you see me tomorrow with bandaids on my arms, you'll know why.