my mother would be so proud

i recently became aware of a website that has possibly changed my life (or at least has increased my salivary production of late). the website is tastespotting (thanks kristiane) and it is pretty much food heaven. i'm not going to try to explain it; you'll just have to see for yourself. but seriously, amazing, right? at any rate, it has made me increasingly anxious to start cooking more. not that i don't cook now; i actually do cook quite a lot (i'm a frickin' chef compared to my current roommates), but it's always the same set of things that i've been making for the past few years. shell pasta with spinach and sun-dried tomatoes, spaghetti with fresh sautéed vegetables, or homemade california rolls (obviously my cooking skills are not quite as limited as this, but you get the point). and cookbooks are either too time-consuming to flip through, too expensive, or devoid of pictures. how am i supposed to know if i want to make something if i don't know what it looks like? this website is so amazing because that's all it is: pictures. if you think you might like what's in the picture, then you can explore further. it's so easy to discover new and tasty recipes. it almost makes me want to be a housewife just so i can legitimately spend my days cooking. almost. (i know, scary.) 

unrelatedly, i'm still getting over this goddamn cold/flu/whatever-the-fuck-it-is sickness that i got from ben. i no longer have body aches or chest pain, but i'm still pretty congested and hacking shit out of my lungs. i hate being sick so much. i hate not being able to run (or, what's worse, running anyway and feeling miserable the entire time). i hate having to take time out of my schedule in order to sit around and feel awful. it goes without saying, i know. i just wanted to bitch for a second. 

speaking of bitching, my downstairs neighbors have recently found a new reason to make my head want to explode. one of the guys apparently just bought new turntables and has been pretty keen on practicing his dj-ing "skills." only it sounds like a fucking 5 year old got ahold of a set of drums. he just keeps making really loud, really shitty sounds. the loudness wouldn't even be half as bad (okay, yes it would) if it weren't for the fact that he is seemingly aspiring to be a goddamn techno dj, which is the worst kind. although i do quite like a variety of electronica-type music, and in general i totally dig dj-ing, i think that straight-up techno is just utter shit. seriously. it literally all sounds the same. and it sucks. and it makes me want to shoot myself in the head. in all fairness, these guys have come to be pretty understanding about my need for relative quiet when i'm working at home, and they almost always turn their music down when i ask. but they pretty much assume that if i'm not pounding on the floor for them to shut the fuck up, i'm either not home or not working. so it's basically always loud, but not usually loud and head-splittingly obnoxious. now it's both. all the time.    

edit: it just occurred to me that i am totally going to turn into one of those bitchy old women who spend all their time complaining about the neighbors. oh well.  

help, i'm alive

things i miss about washington:

1. drive-through espresso stands. i don't mean coffee shops (which, i must admit, madison does admirably), but little rent-a-shack stands with silly, pun-y, espresso-themed names. these things are everywhere in washington. you could pull off on the most podunk fucking exit for some gas in the middle of the state and there will be a drive-through espresso stand. 
   
2. having more than 2 seasons. (i don't think this needs an explanation.)
   
3. evergreens.
   
4. mountains. it's kind of funny when my students mention going skiing or snowboarding, because, well, there are no mountains here. it's like being at virginia beach and seeing people trying to surf. ha. 
   
5. never being more than a day's drive away from the ocean. or portland. 
   
6. malls with movie theaters. seriously, it just makes sense. 
   
7. not having to file a stupid fucking state tax return. 
   
8. not having to check the weather just to make sure it's safe to go outside.
   
9. bars where dancing is acceptable.
   
10. lakes that you can actually swim in. 
    
11. rivers that are also for swimming. 
    
12. did i mention mountains?
    

things that make madison a comparable place to live:

1. um.......
   

(please note that i have deliberately not listed names of people on either list. if i did so, i would have to concede that i enjoy being in madison quite a lot.)

no rollercoasters here

as always, the time since my last post is too long. apparently i've found other things with which to procrastinate. but i've got a half an hour until i need to go out for a run, and there's nothing that enticing on the internets today, so what the hell. 

last night was ben's birthday. we went to capitol chophouse, and oh boy, that place is holy shit expensive. but it was really cool to feel like ballers for an evening (i felt even cooler paying with my nordstrom card), and to have a reason to dress up, since those are few and far between these days. it was nice to have a reason to buy expensive(ish) wine. i always forget how good good wine can be, since i can usually only afford/justify buying $10-$15 bottles. it was also nice not to have loads of food in front of me, and to leave a restaurant feeling both satisfied and comfortably full without having needed to exert any self-control. 

this weekend is going to be long. i have a presentation on tuesday in my medieval class, and there is a lot of reading that has to happen between now and when i write the thing. i also still have a decent handful of papers to comment on, in addition to catching up on reading for my minor class. i feel less and less motivated every day. i don't know if it's just burn-out or if i really am on the wrong path, but nothing about school feels exciting anymore. not that working all the time and getting paid nothing should feel exciting, but i used to at least get some level of satisfaction from reading and doing research. now all i can think of is how utterly pointless everything i'm doing seems to be. but i also have a problem with inertia, in addition to the somewhat scary reality that the regular workforce doesn't have a "path" (soul-sucking though it may be) in the way that academia does. in other words, i'd have to figure shit out for myself. which in many ways is something i've been doing since i was 14, but in other ways is something i haven't the first clue how to do. i'm also afraid of missing out on something that will ultimately make me happy. the problem is, i literally don't know whether leaving or staying is the bigger risk to my long-term happiness.