coyote ugly

i have a very love/hate relationship with mornings. i'm sure that anyone who knows me, and especially anyone who has had to interact with me before noon, would most definitely not characterize me as a morning person. i am always frazzled, half-dressed (okay, not really half  dressed, but you know what i mean), and rarely on time. partly, i think this is just characteristic of me, but usually it is mostly due to my inability to think clearly when i'm half asleep. even though i know from years and years of experience that waking up is not the end of the world and that once i get up i will in fact generate enough energy to make it through the day, every single time my alarm goes off (assuming i even wake up enough to register that it is in fact going off), all i can think of is that i am so. fucking. tired. and this happens whether i've had 4 hours or 10 hours of sleep. 

but. i love being awake in the morning. when i actually can convince myself to wake up early (which is quite seldom, as you may have guessed), it is totally the best thing ever. mornings are so full of potential. even if i don't end up actually having a productive day, i don't know that yet in the morning. mornings are quiet, refreshing, clarifying, energizing, &c., &c. my tragic flaw, of course, is that pivotal moment of sleepy deception in which my body tells my brain (or maybe my brain tells my brain?) that there is no possible way that i could get up at that moment without being completely miserable for the entire day (week, even), so i might as well just keep sleeping. and, usually, i give in to this whore of a feeling, only to finally wake up feeling dirty and used. 

because i only blog when i'm avoiding real work

so, i am officially taking classes next year. which is whatever at this point. i was kind of excited at the thought of a break, but i had already resigned myself to another year of unhappiness, so i'm okay with it. however, it is a little bit of a bummer, if only because next year would have been the perfect year to take off, since there are literally zero victorian classes being offered for the entire year. i know, what the fuck. sb is being nice enough to do a directed study with a few of us (which actually seems pretty sweet so far--only 3 5-page papers), and i'm sure el guapo will at the very least allow us mid-mods to work on victorian texts for our papers, even though the course has no intentions of being victorian (seriously, dude, wtf? we all voted for fin de siècle.). but still, i'm going to end up having to take classes in shit that i couldn't give a shit less about, which probably isn't going to help assuage my whole what-the-fuck-am-i-doing-in-school-oh-my-god-i-hate-this-so-much problem.

but on the bright side, i will be teaching lit next year, which could theoretically be really pivotal in helping me get through this quarter-life crisis bullshit. if it totally rocks my box in a way that 100 just can't, then maybe i'll finally find some of that motivation to keep going that everyone else seems to have. either that or i'll hate it and at that point somebody please kill me if that isn't enough reason to quit. 'cause god knows i'm not in this for the writing. 

gawain calls to me. it's gonna be a long night. 

i've just decided to embrace it

clearly, kitty also likes the sounds of rain. she came up to the window and the blinds were closed, so she started anxiously pacing and swatting at them, as if she desperately needed to see whatever was going on outside. i opened them (it always takes her, like, 5 minutes to figure out how to move the blinds). and she just sat there peacefully. i'd say that probably 3rd on her list of favorite things to do would be sitting in the window (1st and 2nd being, of course, sitting with ben and sleeping, respectively).  

speaking of cats (i might as well at this point), we are finally putting sammy (my roommate's toddler-sized cat) on a diet. i say "finally" not because we've been meaning to and just haven't gotten around to it, but because we only recently figured out how to put him on a diet without starving aiko (who, as you may know, is a little bit anorexic/bulimic). this ingenious plan consists merely of feeding kitty on high places, like the top of the fridge or a bookshelf (or the kitchen counter. seriously, he's pretty fat.). as pathetically hungry he seems to be all the time now (and his new diet food is apparently not that great--kitty won't even taste it), i'm kind of a little jealous that he doesn't have to exert any self-control in order to lose weight. 

somebody's snoring

i can't really describe the happiness that wells up in me at the sound of cars driving by in the rain. it's like comfort food for my ears. i know that a lot of people dislike rain, and some people even prefer snow over rain (what is wrong with them?), but i just totally and completely love the rain. freezing rain, of course, is absolutely awful (i didn't even know it existed until i moved here), but regular rain just makes my insides happy. it could be a childhood nostalgia, since, as you likely know, i'm a sucker for dwelling on my childhood. or it could just be that rain fucking rocks. it feels wonderful, it smells wonderful, and it's just so refreshing. i'll stop there just because i'm bordering on cliché at this point, but seriously. i. love. rain. 

i also apparently love avocados. i have recently discovered that my taste buds are totally obsessed with avocados, resulting in me only eating things that i could potentially put avocado on. this newfound love is so bizarre because i've always actually been a little averse to this particular food (fruit? veggie?). i mean, i've always liked guacamole, and a little of it in a burrito was fine, but it was one of those foods that would sort of gross me out if there was too much of it. but now, holyfuckingshit i crave it like a pregnant woman. not that i mind, really. avocados are pretty healthy, and compared to something like cheese (which i'm also addicted to, but that's been life-long), avocados are a relatively low-fat, low-calorie choice of condiment (relatively). they also have that good kind of fat that helps you better digest the nutrients of other fruits and vegetables. although, at this point, you could probably tell me that avocados were going to make me die of heart failure at 40 and i'd probably still keep eating them every day.