here it comes

i suck at blogging. or maybe i suck at life, since my lack of blogging is usually due to a lack of having anything interesting to say. or maybe i just talk too much--every time i think of something to blog about, i immediately remember that i've already told everyone i know, so what the fuck is the point of blogging about it? (i guess i could pretend like a have an unknown following on the internets. ha.) at any rate, i don't feel like reading right now, and i've exhausted all of my go-to internet procrastinatory sites, so i guess that means i should blog.

i'm both super excited for and kind of dreading the start of the summer. i really am looking forward to reading the stuff on my list (well, a lot of it at least), and i'm definitely ready to start shifting my energy toward developing ideas that actually interest me (rather than, say, writing on a 400-page poem about plants). i am dreading, however, the impending weariness that i know will begin building on or around the middle of may. i really, genuinely want to do well on this thing, but i also know that i am not the kind of person who can sustain a 40-60 hour a week reading schedule. and even if i could, i still wouldn't get everything done. i know, i know. no one gets everything read (well, no one who is sane, that is). but that doesn't really make my 159-item list seem any less overwhelming.

but whatever. i'm boring myself now, so i can only imagine that you've probably already stopped reading. and if you are still here, i'll just mention one more thing (which you probably already know, cuz i bitch about it all the time): i fucking hate having crazy shitty dreams all night long. they have at least started to involve a little bit less of me-doing-shitty-and-or-inappropriate-things, and more just general wtf-ery, but the whole business is still extemely annoying and it makes me feel like i'm not really getting good sleep in addition to feeling guilty/scared/bewildered/sad/etc. every morning.

but i'm feeling a lot less holyshitijustwannaripmyskinoff these days, so i guess that's good.