fuck you, winter

remember that last post about kind of liking the snow? yeah, i take it all back. i fucking hate this shit.

my heart has some dangerous neighborhoods, so beware where you try to go

i'm starting to embrace the fact that, as much as i hate winter, i kind of love snow. not 2-week-old, dirty, slushy, frozen snow, of course. that shit's gross and it ruins my shoes. but fresh snow? falling snow? i kind of can't get enough of it. granted, if i had a magic autumn button i wouldn't hesitate to push it you know what? that's a lie. the more i think about it, the more i think i would hesitate to push the magic autumn button. at least right now. and then i'd kick myself in a couple of weeks when i realized that i only like winter and snow when it first happens, and for the remaining 4 or 5 or 20 months of it i wanna fucking kill myself every time i step outside. but. i kind of like it for the time being. (am i really saying this right now? i'm not sure i know how to process a me that actually kind of likes winter, even if it is only a temporary me....)

and the wind and snow and the rain that blows, none of those would matter much without you

i forgot how comforting built to spill is for me.

i don't know what i expected, but it wasn't that

"people keep saying that it gets better with time, but it's been a long fucking time and there's still just the wall."

holy fucking shit this hurts.