the piano just tumbled down a few steps this time

sometimes i just want it to hurt.

it's not fair

isn't sleep supposed to involve some level of repose? isn't it not supposed to make me wake up feeling more mentally and emotionally exhausted than i did before i fell asleep? fucking prozac.

rest stops and eucalyptus leaves

and kerns nectar. and swimming in november. and grapenuts in styrofoam bowls. and saltine crackers topped with canned tuna. and dried mangoes. and starting my period in a safeway bathroom. and wanting so badly to shave my legs. and bathing suits made for pregnant women. and 5.2 acres of fenced-in desert (but not with barbed wire, as they said). and scorpions and rattlesnakes and black widows. and don't speak i know just what you're thinking. and motorcycles that make him feel invincible. and rainbows that are supposed to mean something (but looked like regular rainbows to me). and cleaning up after her because she could never do it right. and adam carolla and dr. drew. and a blue license plate that didn't match. and wigs and $32 and a quick stop at jack-in-the-box. and cargo shorts and a denim vest.

but before that there was rollerblading and playing in the rain. and hot lava monster. and bus rides downtown. and dollar stores. and emergency trips to uwajimaya. and the toy aisle at bartell's. and boysenberry yogurt. and playing frisbee in ravenna park. and free cookies at albertson's. and blue canvas shoes. and riding down hills in the back of toy dump trucks. and bike rides on the burke-gilman to gasworks park. and writing poems. and crying every time he went somewhere. and basketball courts and knee braces. and futons and fold-out beds. and tree swings. and nancy drew. and costco-sized boxes of tropical mr. freeze. and a name change that foreshadowed too many changes.

i'm not embarrassed to admit it. okay maybe a little.

you know you listened to a little too much staind when you were 15 when "it's been a while" comes on the radio and you remember not only all the lyrics, but also every single vocal inflection and all your favorite harmonies.

oops.